I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
