I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
