and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
