your parents love me but you hate me
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize