Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
