I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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