He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
