I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize