I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
