he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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