This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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