PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
