I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize