we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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