I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
