Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
