I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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