actually, I'm a sock model
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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