I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
