I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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