:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
no, he came in my armpit
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
