I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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