fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I cannot find my penis.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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