I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
