I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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