the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
