Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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