do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
