What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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