I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
