No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
