I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
