My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
