hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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