omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
