I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize