Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
