yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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