Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
