This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize