DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
