My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
