So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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