I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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