i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize