I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he fucked my hip out of place.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
