so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize