Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
