Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
