Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
