So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
