Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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