FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize