We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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