PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
