I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
