you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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