I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize