I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
