she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
