I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
