After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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