hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
