we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
