tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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