The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
