I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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