Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
