If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
