I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
