had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize