I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
