elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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