Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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