I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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