If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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