I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
