I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
