You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
