We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
