he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
