i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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