Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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