I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
