She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
