Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
