apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize