So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Apparently you make a good broom.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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