Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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