i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize