I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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