i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
