HIV tests are more positive than that guy
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
