i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
