; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
