Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
ttyl tear gas
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
