I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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