Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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