i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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